Tales From a Few Miles North of Plateau
by NatureGirl52180
Summary: A collection of one-shots to be updated here and there. This goofiness started with "Common Ground". UPDATE: A simple trip to the grocery store leads to Sideswipe dispensing his own brand of justice.
1. Date Night

_**Author's Note: **Hail, intrepid fic-worm! Welcome to the Fluffy Short Story Dump. Here's the deal- as the evil plot bunnies dictate, I shall post. I doubt it will be regular (and I doubt it will be good). The idea here is to make you laugh, or maybe think, or maybe just smile. As they come to me and I churn 'em out, I'll pass them along to you. . .you poor souls. But I do kinda think of this collection as a release valve for my silly muse._

_As for the title: well, that's from Common Ground. I describe the location of the new NEST base as a few miles north of Plateau, TX. I never actually gave the base a name, so . . .well, it makes sense to me._

_What follows is s__illiness . . . pure silliness. Cause Muppets and Transformers go together like bananas and peanut butter._

_Same continuity as "Common Ground"._

* * *

><p><strong>Shot 1: Date Night<strong>

Sideswipe grinned as Prowl rolled into the main hangar and transformed, wearily striding across the main hangar. The Enforcer was just coming off of his patrol shift with Ratchet and Optimus. He would be tired and cranky already.

Perfect

"Hey Prowl." He was seated on the Autobot couch with Annabelle beside him. Bluestreak was beside her and Hound sat on the far end. "Do you want to watch some Muppets?"

"What?" Prowl walked past, heading for the fueling station for his evening ration.

He spoke more slowly, accentuating each word. "Do you want to watch some Muppets?"

Prowl took a draft from his energon cube. "Television will rot your processor."

"Shh!" Annabelle quieted them all excitedly. "It's the Swedish Chef!"

"What's a Swedish Chef?" Bluestreak asked quietly, leaning against Hound.

"That's a Swedish Chef!" The child pointed happily at the big-screen.

Prowl could say what he liked about television and its rotting effect on the processor, but somehow, it was drawing the young mech out of his shell. Annabelle's exuberance and desire to share made it hard for Bluestreak to not respond. It exposed him to the human world, so it was beneficial in that regard. A lot of the shows that Sarah Lennox insisted her daughter watch were educational, too.

Sideswipe watched the Swedish Chef shoot muffins out of the air with an old-fashioned flint-lock pistol. The Muppets were most definitely Will's influence.

Bluestreak was smiling as Hound chuckled. Annabelle was giggling like mad. Prowl walked around behind the sofa, watching as the Swedish Chef presented his "doughnuts". "I don't think that man has ever attended a culinary school."

"Well, he is made of felt." Sideswipe pointed out. "Most of those places have standards."

"Why are you in charge of the entertainment this evening?" Prowl asked.

"Will and Sarah are having a date night." Sideswipe answered. "They do that once in a blue moon. So the Bit and I have a date night, too."

Annabelle had stood up and turned around, putting her hands on the back cushions of the couch. "Only this time it's me, Sides, Bluestreak, and Hound all having a date together."

"It's not . . ." Sideswipe exvented as Prowl raised an optic ridge at him. "Okay, it is as weird as it sounds."

"Just so you know, kid." Hound spoke up from his end of the couch. "You're not my type."

"I'm somehow comforted by that."

Hound chuckled in response.

Prowl watched as Kermit the Frog flailed around on the stage. "When was this made?"

"The early 1980's." Sideswipe responded. "Will's a little nostalgic. According to him, everything was better in the 80's."

"I see."

"Who's in the next one?" Hound asked as the credits began to roll for the episode they were watching.

"Uh," Sideswipe refocused his optics on the DVD case lying near the television. "Julie Andrews."

"Oh, I just love her." He said it in a tone that made Prowl cringe. Good old Hound. He caught on quick and was more than willing to play along.

Sideswipe picked up the thread, following the older mech's lead. "We should watch the _Sound of Music _next time."

"How 'bout _Bedknobs and Broomsticks_?"

"That's Angela Landsbury."

"Oh yeah." Hound said wistfully. "I like her, too."

Prowl sighed. "Hound, you're being assimilated."

Sideswipe caught the old mech's optic and they both started to laugh. "Give it up, Hound. Resistance is futile."

"Did I miss something?" Prowl asked with an air of forced patience.

"You miss a lot of things."

"It's probably for the best." Prowl responded dryly.

"Sides!" Annabelle was tapping on his plating with her small hands. "We should watch the Muppet Show with Luke Skywalker. Bluestreak would like that one."

"Good idea, Bit. Come here." He scooped her up and put her on the floor. His servos were way too big for the DVD player. "Go get it."

As she scurried across the floor, she called back. "Prowl, have you ever met Luke Skywalker?"

"I don't believe so." Prowl leaned forward and whispered to Sideswipe. "Who is Luke Skywalker?"

"He's a Jedi Knight from a galaxy far, far away."

Prowl sounded irritated. "You know that means nothing to me."

"I know." Sideswipe replied. "But it would take too long to explain and I'm watching Muppets."

"You might like those Star Wars movies, Prowl." Hound spoke up. "It's fun to watch them with the older humans and pick apart all of the theories they have about space travel."

"I don't know." Sideswipe let his voice take on a dubious tone. "We activate that 'fun' programming and we might not be able to shut it off."

"Perish the thought."

Prowl gave the pair of them a humorless grin. "I'll leave you to your singing sheep, now."

And with that, he walked away, heading in the direction of the barracks. Sideswipe looked to Hound. "I don't think he gets it."

"Gets what?" Annabelle looked up at him with those beautiful blue eyes. "It's just fun."

"Amen, Sister." And Sideswipe held down a servo so that the little girl could slap him five.

* * *

><p><em>I love Muppets, but sadly don't own them. Cyber-cookies if you can name the star of the episode of the Muppet Show where the Swedish Chef made "doughnuts".<em>


	2. Steady

_**Author's Note: **__So, I whumped Lennox- repeatedly. I smacked up Sideswipe a little bit._

_Must be Prowl's turn . . . _

_Hope you like it, please review! _

* * *

><p>It was going to take time to adjust to this planet.<p>

Cybertron had been so different. Inert. Sterile. Steady. It was something stable beneath the pedes with enough gravitational pull to keep a bot from floating off into space. It was brought to life by the energy that coursed through it and by the beings that inhabited it. It had been built over time by Cybertronians, adapting their planet as their needs required.

That control had offered security and safety. Even during the war, when the planet was being ravaged by the voracious greed of the Decepticons, Prowl had always known that at the very least, he wouldn't have to contend with the ground rising up to battle him. Or water rushing up to swallow him. Or killer winds trying to blow him away. He had taken for granted that such would always be the case.

Earth was different. It _breathed._

Prowl could practically feel the plates of the Earth's crust moving, riding the heaving waves of magma that seemed so close to the surface. Sometimes the ground shook as tectonic plates collided with each other. Lava spewed from volcanoes. Tidal waves slammed into cities, decimating them.

And then there was weather. There wasn't even a word for the phenomenon in the Cybertronian language until their scientists had studied such things on the uninhabited planets that drifted near Cybertron. But for most, it wasn't something they had yet experienced. It hadn't been until they had been forced to flee to other worlds that they had to contend with it. And even then, Prowl, Hound, and Bluestreak had never been able to stay on one planet long enough to observe the changeable conditions. They endured long enough to move on and that was all. That is, until now.

For Prowl, it was such an alien concept. It seemed to him that the planet was specifically targeting the very species that it had given birth to. Both the humans at the base and the Autobots that had been on-planet longest had explained the ins and outs of weather patterns, water cycles, and their actual importance to the continued survival of species on this world. And Prowl had understood it.

He just didn't know how any of them could stand it.

How did one lay out their existence when at any moment, fate might turn against them? How did one plan or prepare? Why would anyone bother, when, in an instant, it could be so suddenly taken from you?

Home was supposed to be safe. It was supposed to be steady and invariable. It was not supposed to change in the resetting of an optic. There were too many other variables. In life, the one constant was home.

Of course, war had been the variable to destroy Prowl's home. As steady and solid as it had always seemed, Cybertron was now gone. And so perhaps it had not always been as secure, for all of its constancy. Though, at least he had been able to read the signs and see that coming and make plans, painful as it was to finally accept.

The human in his interior shuddered, causing him to refocus his musings and move the melancholy thoughts further down the processor queue. A quick scan told him that the female was chilled, not necessarily from the environment, but still shivering almost imperceptibly.

The medic, Ratchet, had explained that humans were really a tropical species, moving to colder climes when their intelligence evolved to a point that they could assess their environment and adapt to it. But conditions like hypothermia were not uncommon if an individual's core body temperature dropped too low. It was one of those things Prowl had been warned to be observant for in the core group of human soldiers and techs that the Autobots interacted with regularly.

It had been Sideswipe who had told Prowl that humans really just prefer to be warm. It made them feel safe. Prowl failed to see the logic there. Feeling safe and actually being secure were two different things and body temperature didn't enter the equation as far as he was concerned. But Sideswipe spent a good portion of his time around the creatures and would know better.

Redirecting a bit of energy, he opened the vents in the interior and allowed some of the gentle heat blowing off of his systems to be shunted towards the human. After a few seconds, she shifted and he felt a ghost of her presence near the vents as she held her hands towards them. "Thanks."

"You are welcome." He responded in a soft but professional voice. This human was a police officer, not unlike the Enforcer that he had been on Cybertron. Officer Blake was of a human middling age, smallish for the species but tough as steel and bearing authority.

Prowl had respected her immediately. When her superior officer had assigned her to work with him, the female had looked him up and down before simply walking over and introducing herself. Prowl had responded in like kind before sliding down into his alt-mode and opening the door for her to climb in. A younger, less experienced human would probably have fussed or made a fool of themselves in the presence of an extraterrestrial robot. Officer Blake merely saw the task at hand, as did Prowl. They had worked together agreeably enough and the night had gone well. Or at least, as well as could be expected given the circumstances.

The day had started out fairly calm and quiet. Optimus Prime was attending meetings at the American capital, Washington D.C. with the human, General Morshower. He had left Ratchet in charge of a relatively quiet base. Hound was with Sideswipe, Jolt, and Mirage, running drills with the humans. Epps and the Wreckers were in the middle of routine maintenance of the base's air transport vehicles.

Prowl had been behind the barracks with Bluestreak and Ratchet, watching as the youngling practiced his transformation sequence. Bluestreak was plowing out circles in the sand around the pair of older mechs, trying out his disguise as an Earth motorcycle, when the first roll of thunder had reached their audios.

The day before, Prowl had been coming in from a patrol shift when he overheard Lennox speaking with one of the techs. Poor and potentially dangerous weather was forecast for the following day and the colonel had issued an order for the base to be prepared in case the forecast proved correct. Prowl hadn't thought much of it at the time.

He had thought about it then. To the west, huge, dark clouds had appeared on the horizon. Only moments before, the sky had been completely clear and Prowl was surprised at how quickly they had gathered. Across the dry desert, there was a flash as lightning struck the ground, charging the air with electricity that Prowl could feel crackling over his plating. The thunder rumbled a few seconds later, booming hard against the nearby bluffs, growling a warning that dared any to challenge it.

A warning buzz wormed its way through his battle computer. "Bluestreak."

His small charge had slid in next to him and transformed. There was curiosity and concern in the young mech's face when he asked, "What's going on, Prowl?"

"A storm is coming." Ratchet answered before Prowl could. He stood tall, looking at the ominous clouds marching towards them mercilessly "A bad one."

There was a sharp whistle of wind and Prowl had watched as it kicked up the dry sand. The brush and cacti bowed at its force. Quickly, Prowl put a servo up against Bluestreak's helm, shielding his optics as he shuttered his own. The wave of sand broke over them, the coarse grains grating on the plating and embedding themselves in any exposed joints.

Behind them, the base's high-pitched alarms sounded, blaring in repetitive honks and alerting the base staff of an emergency. Above it was Colonel William Lennox's strong voice calling those in his command to Code Blue status. Prowl had accessed his memory files quickly and equated Code Blue with severe weather protocols. The base erupted in activity as humans and mechs, both bent against the wind, moved to secure the facility.

They had just made it back to the main hangar when, as Epps said, all hell broke loose. A deluge of rain fell from the sky and thunder cracked above them as soon as the lightning lit the reinforced windows. Wind smacked the side of the imposing structure with enough force to make a walloping sound against the concrete walls. Around them, lights flickered and Prowl's audios caught swear words from the techs as they cursed their blinking monitors.

Since it was the strongest structure on the base, everyone had made for the main hangar. Humans and bots alike sat transfixed, watching the rain run in rivulets down the windows and listening to the sky trying to fall down on top of them. Lennox's family sat with Sideswipe on the couch. The frontliner was cracking jokes and playing games with Annabelle, but there was a tense wariness about him as if he was expecting to have to throw himself on his charges at any minute to protect them.

Bluestreak had gone to Hound, seated on the floor near Sideswipe and the Lennox females. Immediately, the silver mech drew Bluestreak into the games. Prowl caught Sideswipe's optic briefly, giving him a barely perceptible nod of thanks for distracting the youngling and keeping him calm.

He had gone to where Ratchet now stood near the command center. The mech watched the humans move back and forth, monitoring the storm and damage as they went. Lennox was leaning on the back of one of his tech's chair, watching the weather radar with her. The young woman pointed to a mass of pink, red, and purple that tracked across the state of Texas. "This one has got some rotation, sir."

"It's going to miss us." This should have been good news, but the human's voice had still been grim.

The tech, whom Prowl did not know yet, nodded. "It's going to hit Westead head on, though."

Westead was a small urban area about twenty miles east of the NEST base. Since they were so remote, it was one the closest places for the humans to acquire supplies and mechs like Jolt, Sideswipe, and now Hound were well familiar with it. They had described it as a town stuck somewhere between a farming community and a bustling small town complete with apartments and commercial establishments.

Epps had walked up the catwalk towards them all. "Maybe it will just make a lot of noise and move on."

The words were no sooner out of his mouth when the weather radio mounted on the console beeped in its scratchy, urgent tone. After a few seconds, a male's voice was speaking. _"From the National Weather Service . . . a tornado warning has been issued for Ector County. People in Pecos, Wickett, Imperial, Westead,_ _and Crane should seek cover immediately-"_

Prowl spoke over the rest as the announcer went on to describe exactly what a tornado warning implied. "At least they have warning."

The tech inhaled deeply. "Not much. That thing is on them and it looks like it's getting stronger."

Above them, the lights blinked again and the walls rattled. Stronger? Prowl had a basic understanding of what a tornado was and how it was formed, but he was beginning to suspect that he had misjudged just what they were capable of. Judging by the faces of the humans, he had grossly underestimated it.

That was verified when the reports started pouring in about the damage. Westead had been hit by a powerful tornado and damage from wind and hail was extensive. There were also reports of flash flooding as nearly-dry creek beds were suddenly inundated with inches of rain that fell in minutes. It was too early for casualty figures, but initial estimates were considerable.

Prowl stood, listening, and trying to wrap his processor around the extent of the destruction delivered to the area in under an hour. For a few minutes, he was back on Cybertron, listening to reports of battle damage after Decpeticon attacks. The numbers were nothing like what he had experienced during the war on his home world, but the reactions of many of the humans present made him aware of the fact that he could empathize completely with them.

Lennox's mouth was set in a hard, firm line. Epps had taken to pacing, rubbing a hand over his bald head. There were furrowed brows and slow wringing of hands. There was a palpable tension as those in the safety of the main hangar mulled over the fact that there were others outside of those walls that were not nearly so lucky. Prowl was familiar with that feeling, knowing how much he himself hated it.

"Colonel," Everyone at the command center looked to where Captain Thomas, the human medic, leaned on the railing outside his medical bay. "I'd like permission to head in to Westead and see if I can be of some help."

"Granted." Lennox returned immediately. "Take any of the medical staff that wants to go, too."

"Got it." Thomas moved off, calling to his small staff as he went. Prowl made out affirmative replies to the Captain's request and suddenly the human medbay was humming with activity as they prepared to deploy.

Ratchet drew himself up and walked over towards them. "I'll go with you."

"You better clear that with the Colonel." Thomas came back distractedly as he gathered supplies.

"It's clear." Lennox called back before Ratchet could even get warmed up for an argument. "If Ratchet wants to play chauffer, that's fine with me."

Ratchet snorted, but merely moved away to either supervise his human medic friend or see if he could assist him.

Lennox watched him, frowning with thought before finally speaking. "All right, people. Listen up!"

The room had been subdued anyway, but what quiet chatter there had been pattered out quickly. "I'm looking for volunteers. I know we're not the National Guard, but we are in a position to help some folks out. Anyone who wants to ride in to Westead and surrounding areas to offer assistance, grab foul weather gear and meet in the transport hangar in ten minutes."

There was movement immediately as most of the military personnel jumped up to grab gear. Will spoke quietly to the techs at the monitors. "See if you can get me the local sheriff's office in Westead."

"Yes, sir." The tech replied.

Prowl wasn't sure what made him speak his next words. Perhaps it was Ratchet's willingness to assist. It might have been the alacrity with which the soldiers had moved when Lennox had announced his plan, eager to help their brethren. Or it was possibly that for the last hour he had felt nothing but helpless as Mother Nature had unleashed her fury and he saw an opportunity to, in some way, fight back.

Or maybe he just didn't want to be left behind while others were suffering.

"Can I be of assistance?"

For a second, both Lennox and Epps looked at him as if he had welded a second helm alongside the first. In retrospect, it wasn't an unexpected reaction. It was true, Prowl was not as close to the humans as Optimus or Sideswipe, but they were proving to be true allies. It wasn't as though he disliked the species. It was just that they tended to be highly irrational at times and Prowl lacked the capacity to process some of their behavior.

In that particular moment, however, it was annoying to look down at the two humans and get nothing back but disbelieving and slightly incredulous looks after an offer of help. Prowl crossed his arms, keeping his expression neutral, and proceeded to stare right back.

They were all saved from the standoff by Sideswipe and Hound. As the pair walked up, Sideswipe spoke first. "We all have biosensors. We could use them to scan wreckage."

"And we'll be able to do some of the heavy lifting." Hound offered. "It's the least we can do for you, after all you've done for us."

Recovering, Lennox had looked at each of them in turn, his gaze lingering on Prowl the longest. As far as he knew, humans did not possess x-ray vision. So, how was it possible that the man seemed to be able to look right through Prowl?

"Let me get in touch with the sheriff." He finally answered.

The sheriff, who had to be reached in the field, had been deeply grateful for the Colonel's offer of help. The man had paused when Lennox explained the exact nature of the help he would be bringing along. Finally, he had just said, "We'd be indebted to all of you, sir."

And so, here he sat, in the parking of lot of what had once been a large commercial business, what Office Blake had termed a super-store. Half of it had been torn away, broken wood and chunks of concrete littering the ground. A banner proclaiming 'Grand Reopening' fluttered from two tattered tethers.

It had already been cleared and marked with a large red "X", similar to the ones the woman had painted on wrecks around the small city as they scanned and searched for any signs of life. As soon as they met with their comrades, they would be off again.

Prowl's sensors picked up on Sideswipe and Epps just before Officer Blake spoke. "There they are."

To avoid the debris, Sideswipe was actually walking instead of racing around on his tires. The headlights that usually completed his alt-mode were on but low to reduce the glare bouncing back from the fog. His optics were dimly lit, too, the wavelengths compensating for the low light as the night was coming early and settling down on them quickly and heavily.

Epps, clad in foul weather gear, was hunkered down on the mech's shoulder, tucked up behind his audio to avoid the gusts that continued to sweep up occasionally, raising short-lived Dirt Devils full of leaves, paper, and other garbage as it did so. The man looked up toward the sky as dark clouds rolled overhead, skulking and slinking about as if they were stalking the humans and Cybertronians beneath them.

Officer Blake's touch was light on the interior door handle as she reached to open it. Prowl beat her to it, though, and gently opened it himself. The female eased herself out as the others approached. "How are you two doing?"

"We're all right." Epps's voice sounded thin and drained as Prowl began the process of transforming. By the time he had finished, Sideswipe had knelt down, letting Epps swing down his arm struts and to the ground with skill borne of hours of drills.

As Sideswipe straightened, Prowl approached him. "Where is it?"

It felt strange, though it shouldn't have. Given their situation, Sideswipe was undoubtedly disinclined to joke or kid. Instead, the mech merely turned, being eerily subdued and cooperative. It still felt off. "Left lateral dorsal strut."

Prowl looked at Sideswipe's back with a critical eye in the area indicated. With gentle fingers, he lifted the armor plates and spied the problem. A piece of debris, probably a shaft of wood from what had once been a house, was lodged between two Sideswipe's transformation components, keeping the mech from utilizing his alt-mode. It was near nothing vital, but definitely uncomfortable and a hindrance to the mission at hand. Prowl relayed this to Sideswipe before adding, "Do you want to com Ratchet?"

"Just pull it. We've got work to do." Sideswipe's tone wasn't sharp or annoyed. It was only quiet and uncharacteristically solemn.

Prowl complied, grabbing the wood with his fingers and gently wiggling it a bit before steadily pulling it free. It resisted for a few seconds before sliding loose. After checking to make sure that there was no energon on it, Prowl flicked the splinter towards the pile of debris near the light post of the deserted parking lot.

Sideswipe straightened up, shifting his plates and stretching. "Thanks."

"Feel better?" Officer Blake asked, looking up at the two of them.

Sideswipe smiled in the fading light. "I think it's kinda like the feeling you get when you get popcorn off of your teeth."

The human laughed a little, and Prowl felt a slight twinge of envy. The comments Sideswipe was capable of were rude and inappropriate most of the time, designed to enrage Ratchet, Optimus, and now Prowl. But at this particular moment, he had just the right joke to make the woman genuinely smile, despite everything going on around her.

Prowl kept his tone gentle as he asked. "How far did you get?"

"We finished our block before Sides picked up his splinter." Epps answered, pulling back the hood of his jacket. "We've been in contact with the command center and they told us to keep heading south."

Prowl hadn't been prepared for the damage. Human homes had been ripped from foundations and thrown like toys. Vehicles had been tossed through roofs. A hospital and a senior care facility had both sustained heavy damage, causing most of the emergency response personnel to gather and work there. Lennox, Thomas, Ratchet, and Hound were close by, assisting in pulling trapped and injured humans from the rubble.

Prowl and Sideswipe, along with Officer Blake and Epps, had been systematically scouring the debris in parts of the city that had been harder to access because of the damage. Other crews were out and about as well, but Westead's limited emergency resources were spread thin. The humans had called out their National Guard, but the damage was so widespread, even they were having trouble trying to help everyone in need.

Sideswipe's optics glowed softly on Prowl's plating as he asked. "Have you found anyone?"

Prowl was quiet for a second before he answered. "No one we could help."

Thunder rolled ominously in the distance, distracting them, and Prowl canted his head slightly to listen. "About 15 kilometers off."

Sideswipe nodded. "Did you get Lennox's message about the weather?"

Prowl nodded solemnly. The message had basically been hurry up because the second wave was beginning to roll in. The forecasters were predicting that the night would bring more ferocious storms to a region that hadn't seen such weather for decades.

"We'll take the next block over," Officer Blake pointed to the southeast.

Epps nodded. "We were coming at you from the direction. We're just a couple more blocks over."

"Then we'll meet you in the middle."

Prowl was just about to slide back down into his alt-mode when his biosensors registered there was something organic behind them. His door-wings raised fractionally, allowing him further use of the more sensitive scanners there. There was most definitely something alive in that building.

He felt alarm growing. This wreckage had been cleared hours ago. Any humans trapped inside would be in dire need-

And then it hit him. He had been briefed on what to scan for: elevated heart rates, shallow breathing, and decreases in body temperature. These two life signatures showed only marginal elevations in heart rate and they were moving, steadily towards the damaged exterior that the storms had opened to the elements.

He pieced it all together a few seconds before the teenagers made their appearance. Sideswipe had also registered the life forms, but was still confused from the look on his plates. Prowl didn't enlighten him. He simply walked over quietly and stood waiting when the pair of youths stumbled from within the ruined building, laden with a television and several other small pieces of electronic merchandise they were stealing.

They didn't see him at first. He had purposefully positioned himself to be hiding in plain sight, cycling down his optics to their lowest levels. Ignoring Sideswipe's quiet private com that inquired what he was doing, he waited until just the right moment to move slightly, deliberately catching their attention before striking.

He heard Sideswipe's warning call as he carefully but firmly grabbed the boys and lifted them, quickly depositing them on a nearby billboard. They were screaming as he dropped them on their afts, and scooted back on the catwalk until their backs to the rail.

His core temperature had been on a steady rise as his processor clicked together all of the pieces. Apparently, selfish behavior such as this was common throughout any species, no matter the planet of origin. It had always been Prowl's belief that sentient creatures were above such petty actions if they chose to be. But it seemed that some individuals lacked the capacity to consider anything other than their own needs and desires, subscribing instead to the 'Look out for number one' instinct that had contributed to their survival when food and basic necessities had to be fought over.

Prowl had hoped that at some point, beings such as humans and Cybertronians would realize that they had evolved past this. Today was obviously not that day, though.

"_Prowl, they're going to have spark attacks." _Sideswipe commed him again.

The boys had devolved into pleading and blabbering as Prowl regarded the coolly. He crossed his arms and simply said. "I won't harm you."

Much to Prowl's consternation, they continued to scream, high-pitched and annoying. They clutched at the smaller pieces of merchandise they had managed to hold on to when Prowl grabbed them. The larger items had been dropped before he had cut off their pitiful attempts to flee.

He let them continue for a few seconds more before grinding his dente and growling. "Stop that."

The cries strangled off as the dark-headed one screeched. "Don't kill us! Oh my god, don't kill us!"

Prowl's optics narrowed. "I believe there has been enough death in your settlement today."

The teens were still breathing hard and scrabbled back on the scaffolding as Prowl leaned in. The other, the fair-headed one, gasped and started babbling again. "We're sorry! We- we won't-"

"These are not your possessions." Prowl stated. "You would take advantage of others' misfortune for your own petty gain?"

"It was stupid!" The dark-haired one was yelling, pleading. "We're sorry, just don't hurt us!"

Prowl was having a hard time keeping his emotions in check. The younglings were missing the point. "Think less of your own flesh and consider that of others. Less than half a mile from here, there is a family with four younglings that has lost everything. I don't see them looting from others."

Both sets of organic eyes stared at him in mute shock as if for the first time in their lives, they were being forced to consider someone other than themselves.

Prowl was still smoldering, but the fact that they were now listening. "You would do better to help your neighbors instead of steal from them."

"_Prowl."_ Sideswipe's voice was firm in his com. _"Officer Blake says that we're going to have to let them go. There's a tree through the holding cells back at the precinct."_

"_It was not my intention to incarcerate them." _Prowl was not distracted from glaring at the youths. "You're facial characteristics are now filed in my processor. If I detect you breaking any more laws this evening, I will take appropriate action."

The pair looked at each other before the dark-haired one asked, "Wh-what does that mean?"

Sideswipe jumped in before Prowl could respond. "It means if you do anything else bad, he'll step on you."

Being in no mood to argue with the frontliner, Prowl merely turned and glared at him. The two youths had gasped and scrabbled again. Sideswipe had a smirk on his face and Epps, back on his shoulder, was grinning openly.

Prowl turned back to the boys. "You will leave those things here."

"Yessir." The fair-headed one responded. "C-can you get us down?"

"You have strong limbs, something else you should be grateful for." Prowl replied. "Make use of them and get yourselves down."

He moved off without another word and was not surprised when Sideswipe stepped up to remove the boys from their perch. Undoubtedly, Officer Blake had asked him to do so. Dealing with broken limbs if they fell would just be one more processor ache to contend with.

After the boys had run off, still shaking and looking fearfully over their shoulders, Prowl caught Sideswipe on his sensors, moving up next to him. "Feel better?"

"Not particularly." He answered truthfully.

"Blake said she knows 'em. They aren't usually scared of anything." Sideswipe was grinning. "She wants to know if you want a job."

Prowl was about to respond that he got quite enough teenage antics back at their base when Lennox's voice crackled over the com. _"Lennox to Search Teams: do you copy?"_

"We copy, Boss." Sideswipe answered immediately.

"_Report to my position ASAP." _Lennox came back. _"We've got some civilians trapped and we're going to need you and Prowl to help get them out."_

"Copy that, we've got a lock on your coordinates." Sideswipe cut the connection and turned back to him. "Let's go."

Prowl kept half an optic on Sideswipe as the mech transformed. There was an almost imperceptible hitch in the sequence, but otherwise he seemed fine. Prowl would make it a point of mentioning it to Ratchet in case Sideswipe conveniently forgot to mention it himself.

They stopped briefly to pick up the humans before Prowl took point, hitting the emergency lights of his alt-mode and allowing the siren to blare, warning that they were coming. It still took more time than it normally would for them to make it the four blocks across the town to where Lennox needed them. Prowl had his sensors set to their highest, scanning for obstacles, down power lines, and people who either had been displaced and looking for help, or were now dazedly trying to gather what provisions they could from the wreckage.

Prowl turned into a small, litter-strewn parking lot that sat beside what remained of a four level parking garage. Before the storm, it had serviced an apartment complex and a building that housed physician's offices. The top floors of the brick structure had been compromised, falling down upon the levels beneath. The foundation had held in some places, but buckled in others. The dark, broken mass looked unstable and Prowl wondered how anyone as fragile as a human could have survived its collapse.

Lennox waved them in, standing near Ratchet and Hound with a group of his own men and some of the local emergency responders. He called to Sideswipe and Prowl. "Just stay in your alt-modes."

Prowl sensed Epps exiting Sideswipe's cab as Blake exited his own interior. He rolled closer to the human, his sensitive audios barely able to hear him over the roar of machinery working nearby and the loud hum of the generator for the spotlights. "What is the situation?"

"Hound picked up two bio signatures in the lowest level of the parking garage." Lennox was still yelling over the sound of the machines. "They're near the center where the building was strongest, but the structure is compromised. The safest way to extract them is going to be using the entrance ramp. We've got limited personnel at our disposal, here."

Prowl redirected his sensors to the underground opening. It had collapsed some so broader mechs like Ratchet and even Hound would not have enough clearance to move down it. Prowl and Sideswipe, however, were small enough. "We'll help you carry supplies in and clear the path."

Prowl, having more room in his interior than Sideswipe, was packed with whatever materials the humans deemed necessary. Grudgingly, he popped open his trunk and allowed the heavier equipment and the cardiac kit to be stuffed inside.

Sideswipe had rolled over to the entrance to the parking garage and was shining his headlights down it. "Hey, Boss. There's a lot of wreckage down here. I think I'm gonna have to shinny in there and start moving it."

"Go ahead." Lennox called ahead to him as Epps trotted over to lend a hand. The colonel then turned to Prowl. "Just follow us down."

"Understood."

Sideswipe had transformed and was already kneeling down, sliding his keel down along the eight-foot-high opening. There were the sounds of straining and swear words as the mech reached inside to pull out the first pieces of rubble, clearing the space so that Prowl and the humans might enter the wreckage.

While the advance team worked, Lennox addressed the paramedics and the members of his own command that would be going along with them. "We've gotta move fast. The weather could turn again at any time. Ratchet will be keeping tabs on any shift in the debris and will notify us immediately if the structure becomes unstable."

Lennox was still giving instruction when Prowl's private com pinged. _"Sideswipe to Prowl."_

"_Go ahead."_

"_There is massive damage down here and it's only getting more unstable as I move it." _ Sideswipe informed him. _"Be ready to protect the humans if necessary."_

Prowl thought for a moment before asking the other mech. _"Perhaps it would be more prudent if you and I perform this extraction and leave the humans out here."_

"_I'm not a human medic and neither are you." _Sideswipe countered. _"They're the experts in their own biology."_

"_The humans should stay here." _Prowl repeated. _"It is needless for them to risk themselves."_

There was a snort of static. _"Leave Lennox and the team behind? Let me know how that works out for you."_

"_They are a frail species." _Prowl returned. _"It seems unwise to risk their lives-"_

There was a grunt of exertion in his audios before Sideswipe answered. _"Prowl, I'm gonna tell you this once. Do NOT underestimate them. I'll give you the details later, but suffice it to say, that's a lesson I learned the hard way. Get your aft up here. We're through."_

Feeling a little annoyed that Sideswipe had shut him down so quickly, Prowl nonetheless complied and pulled forward. Seven humans fell in beside him. He recognized the signatures of Lennox, Epps, and Blake as well as two of the humans from the base. The other two, he was unfamiliar with. They were probably the paramedics from the local emergency responders. They were giving him a wider berth than the others, he noticed. Undoubtedly, they were still uncomfortable with his presence.

As the group entered the garage, Prowl's sensors immediately went wide. The entire structure was unstable as Sideswipe had indicated. Though the frontliner was going carefully, for once listening to Ratchet as the medic instructed him on what to move, there were ominous grumblings and the sound of debris shifting.

They continued downward. Prowl followed as Sideswipe efficiently moved the rubble. His tires ground and crunched over what was left of the walls, his doors scraping pieces of concrete when the tunnel narrowed. There was a warm hand on the plating of his hood before Lennox spoke. "You okay, Big Guy?"

It was some term of endearment that the human used on a regular basis, particularly with Sideswipe. It irked Prowl a little, but he responded coolly as he gunned his engine a little to hoist him over a small pile of debris. "Affirmative."

"Hey Boss," Epps called back to the rest of the group. "We're through."

Prowl eased through the entrance, feeling the ground level out beneath his tires. In front of him, he scanned Sideswipe. The mech had made it to a kneeling position in the cavernous room. "Over here!"

There was the sound of human feet running over the uneven ground as the rescue team hurried over to where Sideswipe and Epps were. Prowl's biosensors picked up the two injured females. One was unresponsive while the heart rate of the other was beating wildly. He heard her panicky voice as the paramedics approached. "Oh thank god. Oh, please. Help us. Please get us out!"

"Easy ma'am." Lennox's voice was soothing and confident. "We're going to get you out. Hang in there."

"Oh my god what is that? _What is that?" _

Prowl could only surmise that the woman had finally caught sight of Sideswipe and was starting to panic. He listened as Lennox's even tone cut through her fear, reassuring her as he tried to explain, at least in part, who the giant robot was and why he was here. She panted heavily and whimpered a bit, but seemed to calm down.

In his alt mode, Prowl really only had use of his sensors. Sensitive as they were, he could only glean so much information about the scene. He privately commed Sideswipe. _"How bad is it?"_

"_Part of the wall came down on the car." _ Sideswipe replied. _"The whole front end is smashed and they're trapped inside."_

Blake was talking. "Sideswipe, can you clear the driver's side door? We need to get the Jaws of Life in there and cut this door off."

"You got it."

The sound of moving rubble filled the cavernous space again as Prowl opened his doors and trunk to allow the paramedics access to the equipment they had brought. As they did, he took the opportunity to scan the humans again.

The unconscious one was an older female. Her breathing was shallow and her heart rate decreasing. He relayed this information to Sideswipe who in turn relayed it to the paramedics.

As the motor on the machine they were going to use on the car roared to life, Prowl turned his attention to the other female. She was significantly younger, about mid-twenties he would have guessed. Her breathing was rapid, her blood pressure was raised and she was still speaking quickly despite Lennox's attempts to calm her.

Prowl had just picked up on the anomaly, almost like a second heart beat, when she blurted out, pleading. "Please let my baby be okay. Oh please, please!"

Will's own vitals heightened so quickly that Prowl instinctively focused in on him. He was still steady when he asked. "How far along are you?"

"Sixteen weeks."

The younger one was with child. No wonder she had panicked. Nothing sent organics to the boundaries of their emotions faster than young. It could make them completely foolish or irrational. For some it brought out courage, or fear, or plain silliness.

Not that Prowl was one to talk he supposed. Nothing put him on his guard faster than a perceived threat to Bluestreak.

"He's dead." The woman was sobbing now. "The dashboard hit me right in the stomach. I know he's dead."

Prowl refocused on the tiny new life, turning up his sensors as far as he dared. The heart fluttered again and he caught the flutter of small appendages. As intent as he was on calming the woman, he couldn't help but feel a small sense of wonder at the small creature's will to survive.

"Your offspring is alive." Prowl kept his voice low. "The heartbeat is fast and it seems . . . agitated. But healthy."

"Who . . . who said that?"

Lennox was speaking again, and Prowl could hear the relief in his voice. "That's another friend of mine."

"How can he tell that?" she asked. She sounded confused and even a little angry that someone would make such a presumptuous statement.

"Ma'am, that's a long story." Lennox chuckled a little. "Just trust me. He knows what he's talking about."

There was a final pop of metal before Epps called, "We got it."

Prowl listened as the paramedics stepped in, securing the woman's neck in a cervical collar and placing her on a backboard. The medics were calling her condition back to the human ambulance outside the building as they started to move. Her condition was deteriorating and she needed to be evacuated quickly. More help was requested, but denied as rescue teams all over the city dealt with their own dire situations.

"Let me help." Sideswipe spoke and Prowl monitored him with interest as he went through his transformation sequence in the tight space. It took some creative rearrangement on his part, but the mech managed it. "Put her on my hood and I'll driver her out."

"I don't think-" One of the paramedics started before Lennox cut him off.

"Epps, go with 'em."

"Got it, Boss."

Ever so gently, the injured woman was placed on Sideswipe's long hood. Epps and one of the paramedics went along to steady the woman's prove form on the gently sloping plating. The mech commed him as he squeezed past in the claustrophobic space. _"See you top-side."_

"_Affirmative." _

The process was repeated with the second woman. Precautions were taken to extract her from the wreckage of the vehicle as quickly and carefully as possible. She too, was placed on a backboard and the four remaining humans hoisted, preparing to carry her back up the tunnel.

Prowl was about to make the same offer Sideswipe had when all of the sudden, the building shifted. The ominous shifting that he had been monitoring the whole time began to crescendo as the wall to the tunnel lurched sideways, toppling towards the humans.

His battle computer ran down the specifics of what he needed to do a mere split second before he was in motion. He rearranged his components in the small space, transforming and throwing himself forward and under the girder. Lennox shouted his designation as his servos slammed into the ground over the small group of humans, letting most of the wall fall across his back struts. He growled as the concrete slammed and scraped his doorwings. Letting a knee fall, he locked every joint, holding back tons of crushing weight.

Lennox and one of the paramedics had covered the woman with their own bodies. They were still braced for the impact that Prowl had managed to stave off. The colonel's face turned up in confusion and shock. "Prowl!"

"Go." Prowl said, trying to keep the strain out of his voice. The wall was starting to give and the rest of the tunnel was going to come down right behind it.

There was a tick of hesitation before the colonel called, "Let's go!" Lennox grabbed the end of the backboard and hoisted. Even as the human ran, he looked back concern evident as he called back. "Hang on, Big Guy. We'll be right back for you."

It was almost laughable. There was a building about to come down on him and the human was going to come back for him. What was Lennox going to do?

Unbidden, Prowl's processor had calculated the weight he was holding back. When it came down, it was going to be enough to do irreparable damage. There was an 85.9% chance that the girder would pierce his spark chamber and severing major energon lines. If that happened, the rescue team wouldn't be able to get to him time to revive him.

The promise, however, had the opposite effect then he expected. It calmed him, settled his processor, and gave him strength.

Because he knew, deep down, Lennox would keep it.

"_Prowl, how you doin', Kid?" _it was Hound's voice on his com.

There was a tiny glimmer of relief. Hound's was a steady voice in the crushing dark, a tether to the outside world, reminding him that he was not alone. There were others out there, working even as he fought his own failing frame, to save him.

Of course, the question Hound posed was one of the most inane that Prowl had ever heard uttered. The mech had a habit of doing that, asking how he was. It had driven Prowl distraction in their journeys across the galaxies. Now, even though it was still annoying, Prowl found himself grateful for the older mech's steadiness and predictability. It was normal, as if they were back at the barracks having the same conversation they had had countless times since arriving on Earth.

He spoke aloud, allowing himself to voice his agitation to the darkness as he felt his back struts strain. "I've had better days."

Hound was irritatingly undeterred as usual. _"Hang on. Lennox has the team moving heaven and earth to get down to you."_

Prowl's knee strut buckled and he felt the dirty, gritty air moving through his vents as they heaved with exertion. "You're picking up those human phrases again, Hound."

"_Well, it's all I've got to describe it." _The mech returned. _"That man shouts, everyone snaps-to."_

There were uneven vibrations rumbling above him as if many hands and servos were moving the pieces of building above him. His sensors were picking up the loss of mass above him. It was lightening fractionally, but steadily. Maybe, just maybe . . . .

No sooner had he allowed himself the thought then everything shifted and began to crumble. Prowl was pushed sideways, feeling the concrete shift and begin to crush him. _This is it, _he thought, _this is how it ends._

On some organic, monster of a planet intent on killing them all.

Above the rumbling noise he caught sharp whistling and Ratchet's booming commanding shouts. Hound's voice was on the com again, reassuring, though Prowl didn't catch the words. He panted through his vents, and wrested back the fear as he realized the noise had stopped and he was still alive.

He rebooted his optics, surprised that he had cycled them down in the first place. There was more weight on him now, as he held up a small cavern just barely large enough to accommodate his frame. Arm struts shook violently as he tried to keep them rigid and strong. His right pede and leg strut were pinned. It shifted again, but through sheer force of will, he ordered his body to hold it.

They were working again, fervently. True to his word, Lennox was still coming for him, but the odds of the human fulfilling his promise were getting smaller by the astro-second. Small tremors ran through the debris above him now, ominous and prophetic about what was to come any time. He could feel the sharp edge of the girder on his back, poised to strike the fatal blow.

He didn't blame the human. In fact, he felt gratitude as that glimmer of hope shined a little brighter. There was an individual indicative of what his species could be. Just like Hound, Ratchet, Prime, and even Sideswipe, were proof of what _could_ be if Individuals cared more for others than themselves.

Primus damn him if didn't get one more message out. "Hound."

"_I'm here. Kid."_

"Just take care of Bluestreak." Prowl forced himself not to sound weak or pitiful. He was proud when his vocalizer was steady. "Teach him about Cybertron and our way of life. But make sure he learns what he can from the humans, too."

"_No talking like that." _For the first time, Hound's evenness broke. It was sharp and almost angry with him. _"Sixty more seconds. Give us sixty more seconds."_

His frame wasn't going to hold out for half that. He was about to relay this to Hound when Sideswipe's voice broke over the com. _"You glitch, if you give up now after all of this work, I swear I will let that youngling watch the Jackass movies from here to the end of the universe."_

Prowl didn't know what that meant, but he quickly cross-referenced the term 'Jackass' and scowled at the definition. "You would not."

"_The Pit I wouldn't." _Sideswipe's words came quickly. _"I'll let him stay up late, teach him all kinds of cuss words, and feed him energon treats until her purges. I bet we can we get into a slag heap of trouble with that new alt-mode of his." _

He knew Sideswipe would do none of those things. Even if he attempted it, Hound, Ratchet, and Prime would temper the behavior. Still, he couldn't help but feel a spark of anger at the other mech. This is not what he needed in the last seconds of his existence, to be annoyed and goaded into believing that his young charge would be left to be mentored by the unruly frontliner. "You wouldn't dare."

"_Who's going to stop me?" _Sideswipe's pugnacious tone grated his nerves.

"I will not let you-"

"_You won't let me?" _Sideswipe laughed. _"What are you going to do about it?"_

"I will disassemble you circuit by circuit." Prowl growled back immediately, thoroughly fed up with the annoying mech. His creativity skyrocketed as he ticked off the tortures he had in mind should Sideswipe cross him. "I will rip off your arm-struts and beat you senseless with them. I will remove your helm and mount it in the middle of the base on a pole. Then, I'll let Ratchet cut you up for spare parts!"

There was a moment of silence on the com before the frontliner snorted. _"I guess you better get your aft up here, then."_

And with that, the weight lifted entirely and strong servos grabbed him under his arm-struts and began to haul him up. The bright spotlights dazzled his optics as Sideswipe and Ratchet dragged him down the debris pile and laid him out on the asphalt. His vents blew out the dirt and dust as he sputtered his engine.

"Lie still." Ratchet's tone was quiet, but firm as his substantial frame blocked the lights. There was a strong grip on his pede as the medic began what promised to be a thorough examination of Prowl's frame.

Prowl recycled his optics, letting the small plates clear the grit from the delicate sensors. Hound was crouched down beside him on the pavement, grinning in relief. "Cut it a little closer next time, Kid."

"I'll decline that offer." Prowl ignored Ratchet's grumblings as he sat up. Sideswipe had gone back to Lennox. The human was standing on his shoulder plates yelling commands to his men. Equipment was backing up, beeping their warnings as their engines growled.

As Prowl watched, it hit him just how many had been involved in his rescue. Dozens of humans, even victims of this natural disaster themselves, had been assisting. Some appeared to be digging with their hands. Many gave him waves, and Hound explained that it was a friendly gesture, letting Prowl know that they had been glad to help him. He returned the gesture, seeing grim smiles of solidarity on their faces as they went. After all, they were all in this together.

As he watched them scatter back to various other tasks, he felt gratitude well up in him. There were good people here.

By the time Ratchet had run every scan at his disposal and visibly confirmed that Prowl's back and door wings were only cosmetically damaged, the human had the crews under his command moving on to the next site. Sideswipe eased him down and the Colonel trotted to where Prowl still sat.

Sideswipe smirked as he asked. "How are you doing?"

"Status: operational." Prowl replied, unwilling to comment on the heated exchange the two had just engaged in. Like it or not, Sideswipe had made him angry enough to get out from under that building no matter what. His struts were sore and he could still feel the dirt grinding in his gears, but he was completely functional. "How are the females?"

"They're going to be fine," Lennox replied in a soothing tone. "The older lady probably has a concussion and she's shocky. But her daughter is fine. She's talking about naming her kid after you."

"Aww, that's not right." Sideswipe responded immediately with mock-pity for the child. "It would be like condemning that nice kid to a life of being a humorless pain-in-the-aft."

"He could do worse." Prowl shot back. As usual, Sideswipe had pushed him just enough to get a response. "She could use your designation."

Sideswipe just snickered in return, goal achieved. Lennox was still grinning as he looked back to Prowl. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes."

"Good." Lennox replied. "We've got a few more folks to account for before the weather starts back up. Think you're up to giving us a hand?"

Prowl felt the corners of his mouth components twitch slightly. He had been concerned that they would dwell on what had just transpired, that the human would insist on Prowl being sidelined for the rest of the mission. Such would not be the case. "Affirmative."

"Let's get to it." Lennox activated his com. "Blue Team: Pick up the grid search again. Green Team: start clearing that apartment complex lot so the Red Cross has someplace to set up."

Even as he gave orders, Lennox quickly scaled Sideswipe's frame. Prowl listened to his calm, efficient voice as he doled out tasks as if neither he, nor Prowl, nor anyone else had just nearly been crushed. There was debris to clear, people to help, and no time to pity himself or anyone else. They had work to do.

Ratchet had moved away to pick back up with his own team of humans. Hound stood and offered a servo. Prowl accepted and allowed the stout mech to pull him back to his pedes. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Fine." Prowl answered shortly, but not unkindly. "Thank you."

Hound laughed. "We've saved each other's afts enough times that thanks aren't necessary. Besides, it's really Lennox, Ratchet, and Sideswipe you ought to thank."

Prowl canted his head, watching as the pair moved across the debris. "I will."

And he would.

He took a moment to study these beings that he was just really getting to know. The world heaved around them. Disaster was looming once again on the horizon. But they remained steady. They didn't quit, they didn't stop. They just kept moving.

Like Prowl had for most of his own life. There was no doubt in his mind that even if Prowl had been a complete stranger, they would have still done everything in their power to rescue him. Somehow, it made the gesture all the more dear.

Because it was exactly what he would have done.

He was among those with a similar mind-set. For the first time, he felt a little less like an outsider. While he wouldn't go so far as to say he belonged here, he at least felt accepted by mech and human alike. This planet would never be his home, but certainly, there were less appealing fates.

He found Officer Blake once more. She was tired and dirty, but infinitely more concerned about her 'temporary partner' as she had termed him. Prowl made it a point not to seem irritated with the question, 'are you okay?" though he was getting rather tired of answering it. He transformed and she climbed in, relaying their next search vector to him.

She was calm and steady. Just like Lennox, Epps, Ratchet, Sideswipe, or Hound. It was simple sheer will that seemed to get them through nights like this; just like it had been sheer will that had kept Prowl driving on all of these years. Keep going, no matter what. It was something they had in common.

As he switched on his emergency lights, Prowl felt as though he might actually survive this planet.


	3. Cleaning Up

**_Author's Note: _**_Just a fun follow-up to 'Steady'. Hope you like it._

* * *

><p>"No."<p>

Even though he was tired, Sideswipe couldn't help but snort a little in amusement and shake his helm. Really, he knew Prowl wasn't trying to come across as a petulant youngling. Granted, he and the other mech had only met a couple of months earlier, but Sideswipe was getting a good feel for the Enforcer. Even at his best, Prowl only had so much tolerance for shenanigans and general chaos. And right now, he was tired, cranky, and really quite through with every other sentient creature to be found on the whole fragging planet.

Prowl wanted nothing more than to hole up in the barracks and shut out the rest of the known universe, including those that he fondly (most of the time) referred to as 'lunatics'. Sideswipe couldn't blame him, not after the past couple of days they had endured. They had seen a lot in Westead. They had learned a lot about humans, good and bad. Prowl had a lot to process and until he accomplished that, he was going to be the Pit to coexist with. He simply did not want to be bothered with what he perceived as needless foolishness.

But Ratchet was in full-on Chief-Medical-Officer mode and a filament's-breadth away from pulling rank. Now, granted, if ever there was a Cybertronian sparked that could go pede-to-pede with the Hatchet, it was probably Prowl. But even the formidable Enforcer was no match for the legendary medic when Ratchet had deemed his behavior a detriment to his proper function.

There was a buzz in Sideswipe's audio as Ratchet commed him privately. The medic's voice snarled over the link, his patience obviously thin. _"Get over here and hold this slagger's sorry aft down!"_

"_Heh, no." _Sideswipe chuckled to himself when the line was ruthlessly shut down with a filthy curse. Not only would Sideswipe's intervention cut the fun short, but he was truthfully only about 65% sure he could force Prowl to comply, and that was only if he could maintain the element of surprise. They had taken to sparring and teaming up against each other in training drills, and while Sideswipe was a talented and dangerous frontliner, Prowl was no slouch himself, physically. Add to that the mech's capacity to be just downright sneaky, and you had a lethal combination. And Sideswipe was certain that he had only seen a handful of tactics out of Prowl's little bag of tricks.

With a grin, he looked to Hound. The older mech was standing nearby, watching Ratchet and Prowl go back and forth with a knowing look on his plates. Hound had been dealing with Prowl long enough to know that charging him head-on was really a waste of time. But really, that was the only strategy Ratchet subscribed to.

Outwardly, the medic showed no signs that the communication with Sideswipe had even occurred. Ratchet stood ramrod straight, the Texas mid-day sun gleaming off of his brightly colored enamel. His arms were crossed as he glared at the black and white mech, trying to intimidate him. "Any delay could cause permanent damage to joints and servos."

Sideswipe was aware that he was not the only one to look to Prowl for a response. At his pedes Will, Sarah, Epps and most of the rest of the base staff turned their heads as one to look at the second participant in this little verbal tennis match. Most of the soldiers had been in the town to help with rescue efforts. Some looked annoyed by the bickering Cybertronians. A few were amused. But all of them were most definitely exhausted. There was a gentle, resigned sigh from Will before the human's weight registered against Sideswipe's pede plates. The colonel looked up at him and gave a shake of his head as Prowl and Ratchet continued.

"Surely a few days shouldn't make a difference." Prowl's face remained neutral, but Sideswipe noted those damned doorwings were giving the mech away. They were hedging up slightly, along with his irritation. "I can wait."

"The Pit you can!" Ratchet shot back. "I don't have the equipment or resources to replace your limbs if they lock up on you."

Prowl narrowed his optics at Ratchet. "You're exaggerating to make your point, Medic."

Sideswipe felt himself tense a little as everyone looked back at Ratchet in time to see his armor flare out with anger. The problem was, Prowl was right and all present knew it. "Are you questioning my ethics?"

"Not at all." Prowl replied evenly. "I truly believe you have my best interest at spark and if my life were in peril from life-threatening damage I would be relieved to have you as my physician. However, I am convinced that in this particular instance, you are more interested in asserting your opinion than offering sound medical advice."

Scrap, that was a low blow. And also not entirely accurate on Prowl's part, though Sideswipe could see how Ratchet's behavior could be perceived as just being domineering. But the medic was truly concerned, and his temper was getting the best of him. From the CMO's standpoint, Prowl was being a temperamental glitch just for the hell of it.

Ratchet was moving toward the red-line when he spoke again and more than willing to resort to dirty tricks as well. "You're setting a poor example for Bluestreak. What if he were to see you putting up such a fuss over something so trivial?"

The cold smirk that graced Prowl's faceplates boded nothing but ill. "But he isn't here, is he? He's studying in the main hangar."

The perceived snippery was the last straw. Ratchet pulled back, snorting with rage as his plates shifted. "Look, you little-"

Ratchet had taken a step forward towards the current source of his agitation, clearly intent on knocking some sense into him. Prowl didn't move, but dropped his weight onto the leg behind him, readying himself to stand his ground. Sideswipe had just tensed his own body to move and put himself between the two when a voice boomed over the compound.

"Enough!"

Optimus stepped from the office hangar. The tall mech held a bearing of authority, letting those around him know that he was not inclined to be trifled with. But as he moved past Sideswipe, Hound, and the humans, his left optic reset itself, blinking in a Cybertronian version of a wink.

The Prime turned his attention to the Irresistible Force and the Immovable Object incarnates. Both Ratchet and Prowl had ceased the quarrel, but still stood tense as their Prime approached, each throwing surreptitious dirty looks at the other.

Optimus gently approached Prowl. "I realize that this is a new and uncomfortable situation for you, but I must ask you to comply."

Prowl had a great deal of respect for Prime, there was no doubt of that. But he wasn't going down without a fight . . . or at least an eloquently worded argument. "Sir, I do not believe that there is any medical reason-"

Optimus held up a hand to forestall any further rebuttal. "I agree that Ratchet's argument might be a touch . . . overzealous."

Ratchet growled slightly and Sideswipe forced the chuckle back down to his vocalizer. It caused feedback to cycle through the components, which he tried to cover up with a cough through his vents. Ratchet glared at him anyway.

Optimus continued. "But we do need to be certain that this unit is ready to deploy at a moment's notice. That includes averting potential issues with simple solutions."

"Optimus, I am fully-functional."

"Yes." The Prime waved a servo in the direction of the humans, "but they aren't."

The confused look on Prowl's face made Sideswipe snicker. "Sir?"

"Some humans, and in our case, these humans in particular," Optimus smiled when Will quirked a dubious eyebrow at him, "are always willing to put others before themselves. And not only for the good of this unit. You have helped them through a difficult situation. And while they were probably fond of you before the mission in Westead, they are potentially doubly so now. They are your friends, and would prefer to endure discomfort themselves than allow something as trivial as this to cause you physical irritation."

From Prowl's reaction, Sideswipe had wondered if the thought ever occurred to him that he might actually have friends here. Pit, he wondered if Prowl had every had any one he considered a friend _anywhere_. It was rare for Prowl to look shocked, but his optics flared a little as his mouth components slackened. "They needn't inconvenience themselves for me."

"But they will." Optimus replied. "And I am afraid that until they are sure you are in no harm, however inconsequential it may seem to you, they will not see to their own needs."

Prowl looked at the small group assembled. Tiredly leaning on Sideswipe's pede, Will replied. "We just want to make sure you're okay, Prowl."

"They are exhausted. And, unfortunately stubborn." That earned Optimus a snort from Epps. "I would prefer that they rest and recover, but that will not happen until the four of you are seen to. I do not want to cause you unease, but I ask that you acquiesce to Ratchet's advice."

Prowl wasn't stupid and was well aware that he was, in part, getting played. Optimus was their Prime for a reason. He knew all of the right buttons to push and was a diplomat in every sense of the word. He had the ability to assess another and speak to them in a way that they best understood

There was a quick way to Prowl's spark, and that was to remind him of his duty to others. The black and white mech sighed, the corners of his mouth twitching with what might have been just a small smile. "For the good of the unit?"

"For the good of the unit." Optimus replied. And with that, the larger mech turned and headed back towards his quarters.

Sideswipe waited for Will to move away to gather materials before heading over to stand next to Prowl. The mech still looked distinctly unhappy, but less mulish. "I haven't required aid in cleaning myself since I was a youngling."

"It's not that bad." Sideswipe tried to assure him. "Early on, getting hosed down after a mission was the only option."

"How long until the wash racks are functional again?" Prowl watched with a little apprehension as the humans approached with a couple of hoses, buckets, and sponges.

"The storm did a number on the whole system. Jolt and the Wreckers are looking at the water recycling set-up now." Sideswipe assured him. "Ratchet will head over after bath time."

Prowl sighed. "This is ridiculous."

Will looked up at Sideswipe, Prowl, Hound, and Ratchet as he walked over with a garden hose in his hand, water spraying out from the loose connections on the nozzle. "All right. Who's up first?"

Sensing the unease still radiating from Prowl, Sideswipe decided to be nice and cut him a break. "Me."

They had done this so many times over the years, there was an unspoken procedure to it. Sideswipe stepped forward and slid down into his sleek alt mode. "All right, Human. Do your worst."

Will chuckled tiredly, but made sure the sprayer was set to a gentle shower setting before turning it on Sideswipe. He knew he couldn't quite control the shudder that ran through his frame as the cold water hit his plating and the sensors in his frame underneath reacted. It only took a few minutes for everything to recalibrate. After a minute or two, all he could really feel was the muck and the mud being washed away. Content, he relaxed on his axles, letting the human he trusted with his very spark take care of him.

As Will continued to soak him down, Sarah stepped forward with a couple members of the base staff to start with the bucket and sponge. She tackled the front quarter panel first, "'Sides, I think you brought back half of the town with you."

"Yeah, no kidding." Sideswipe was aware that Epps' team had started on Ratchet while Hound watched nearby. The larger mech required a few more hands to get him clean in a timely manner. There was a sharp bark from the medic about the slagging cold water and the pressure. Epps came right back with an order for the mech to 'Shut his hole' and let the team work. Sideswipe snickered as the inevitable argument escalated between the sergeant and the medic.

Once Will was satisfied that Sideswipe's alt-mode was spotless, the humans stepped back so that Sideswipe could transform. As gently as his bulk would allow, the mech sat back down on the tarmac, allowing the organics to swarm back in on him. A couple of the techs moved in on his pedes, using tools or their hands to pull hunks of debris from the rotors and transformation cogs

Will had climbed up on his leg struts and was moving down from his hip, using the hose to flush the joints. "Where's the worst of it, Sides?"

"Anterior patellar struts."

The human found a foothold on one of his plates and slid down to the offending joint. Without hesitation, he reached in to the moving parts, using the water to clean out the mud and grit that had been causing Sideswipe's joints to grind. Sideswipe sat perfectly still as the humans worked, careful not to pinch limbs in his systems.

It didn't take long to flush out the worst of the grime. Sarah and the techs would pick out the rest of what was in his joints and Will would probably hose him down again. With a look that plainly said 'Wish me luck', Will swung down from Sideswipe's frame and approached the stiffly-standing Praxian that stood nearby.

"What do you think, Prowl?" Will called to the other mech. "Can we get started?"

Sideswipe couldn't help himself. "Be gentle with him, Boss. It is his first time."

From where she sat on Sideswipe's leg strut, Sarah hunched over and bent her head, trying not to laugh. The men around her were much less subtle, snorting and laughing as they continued to buff the plating.

Will pinned Sideswipe with a dirty, and slightly amused, look. Prowl looked mystified. While he had a working understanding of human biology, he lacked a general grasp of the nuances of sexual reproductive humor.

But as usual, Prowl chose not to comment, deciding that ignoring Sideswipe would be the best course of action. He addressed Will instead. "I guess it would be best to get this over with."

Sarah had just recovered from her fit of giggles when she burst out anew. "That's what she said!"

Sideswipe sputtered and leaned forward, putting a protective servo around Sarah to keep her from sliding down the slick metal plating. She leaned back against his digits, weak from laughter at her own joke as the men around Sideswipe cracked up laughing again. Epps and his team had overheard the exchange and Sideswipe watched as Epps's upper body caved in on itself as he leaned against Ratchet's frame, trying to control his amusement. Even the medic, tetchy as he was, snorted once before giving a few deep twitters of mirth.

Will looked over at his still-cackling spouse. "Really, hon? Really?"

"I'm sorry." Still grinning, Sarah looked anything but apologetic as she stood to look over Sideswipe's hand. "Sorry."

Will snorted, giving her a mock-stern glare. "No you're not."

Sarah looked up at Prowl. "I am sorry. I'll stop now."

Prowl quirked an optic ridge at her. "I don't really understand the conversation, but your apology is accepted."

Sideswipe looked down at the woman as she went back to work. Try as they might, whenever they caught the other's look they would start snickering again. Sarah cracked him up. She always had.

Undoubtedly, the basis for her and Will's strong union was the bond of friendship that they shared, something that resonated with the alien since friendship and brotherhood were keystones of Cybertronian culture. Sideswipe had observed what Epps termed 'Public Displays of Affection' between the pair, but noted that the relationship went beyond biological urges to procreate.

Sarah was smart, strong, understanding, and loyal to her family unit, both blood relation, those humans that were not technically related but considered family, and the Cybertronians that she had seamlessly adopted into her life. She also had a wicked sense of humor when she wanted it.

With an effort, Prowl and Will silently agreed to ignore their continued outburst of chuckles as Prowl grudgingly transformed. The process was slower than usual, undoubtedly because the mech was nervous and tense. With an inward sigh, Sideswipe commed him privately. _"Take it easy."_

"_I'm fine." _Came the clipped response. _"I've handled more extraordinarily tense situa- PRIMUS, SLAGGIT!"_

Sideswipe reflected that it was the first time he had ever heard Prowl swear. When the water hit his plating, the mech nearly jumped out of his alt, the transformation sequence halting as he regained control of himself and ordered the reflex to cease.

"Take it easy," Will's voice raised in volume, but the tone held only a hint of warning and was more of a gentle reassurance than anything else. The reaction wasn't unexpected and Will's body language suggested that he was unfazed. He stood easy, unmoving as he waited for Prowl to acclimate "Come on, Big Guy. I know it's a shock, but you'll adjust."

Prowl's frame shuddered, but he complied. The plating slid back into place, but Sideswipe could hear the clatter of the plating as the mech shook. He commed him again. _"You're going to offline yourself."_

"_I don't need your input." _Prowl snarked back.

Before Sideswipe could respond, Will spoke up again. The human kept his voice low, undoubtedly so that Sarah couldn't hear him. "I've been meaning to thank you, by the way."

The conversation of the techs still working on him buzzed around Sideswipe, but he reset his audios to zero in on the conversation between the Enforcer and the colonel.

Prowl took the hint and kept his vocalizer low as he responded. "For?"

Will let the water run off of Prowl's roof. "You put yourself on the line out there to save my butt. I wouldn't be standing here if you hadn't jumped in there."

For a moment, there was only the sound of the water drumming gently on Prowl's plating. The shaking had stopped, the seams smoothing as the mech finally relaxed. Sideswipe registered that his sensors were still on their highest setting, but Sideswipe got the impression it was more from curiosity than apprehension. Will had begun whistling, nodding to a few of the techs to come assist him as he worked.

Sarah made herself at home, sitting on Sideswipe's foot, enjoying the warmth of the sun. Sideswipe glanced over to where Hound was now getting cleaned, keeping up a running chat with several of the techs about the events of the past few days. The old mech was carefully reshuffling his plating to allow the humans to reach the last of the debris.

Prowl had transformed and was seated back on the ground. The humans swung up onto his frame to continue the maintenance. The bot spoke to them, encouraging them to be careful as they scrambled about and reached into his components with trusting bare hands.

There was a light knock on his plates and he looked back at Sarah. He caught the impish grin on her face as she turned and called to Will. "You missed a spot."

For a few seconds, it seemed as though Will hadn't heard her. But then, as quick as a snake, Will turned loosing the hose on his mate. She squealed and laughed, sliding off of Sideswipe's leg and running behind him, using him for cover.

Will's grin was feral as he growled, "Out of the way, Sides. I just want the woman."

Before Sideswipe could respond, Sarah darted from behind him and ran at Epps. Will aimed the sprayer at her again, catching her in the legs and causing her to swear and laugh. It didn't deter her from her mission though. Epps chuckled and relinquished the hose immediately. Sarah whipped around on Will, her smile just as evil as her husband's had been. "Prepare to be annihilated, Lennox."

"Oh, big talk from- argh!" Sarah shut him up quick with a blast to his face. Sideswipe watched the pair chase each other, darting behind other humans and the 'bots. The organized cleaning crew was quickly devolving into an all-out water battle as Will and Sarah managed to incite the others to riot. Soapy sponges began flying through the air as war-cries rang out across the base.

His internal com sounded as Prowl pinged him. The bot's tone was trying to edge toward annoyed, but it was failing. _"I thought they were tired."_

"_They are." _Sideswipe answered, smiling as Will grabbed his wife around the middle and swung her around. The woman laughed. _"But they never seem to be too tired to have a good time." _

Prowl didn't reply and Sideswipe looked up. The bot was still seated on the ground, watching the humans run around him in their revelry. His faceplates held the typical indifferent expression it usually did as he observed the small alien species yell and frolic about him.

It may have been Sideswipe's imagination, but he would bet money he saw the barest hint of a smile.


	4. Actions and Consequences

**Author's Note: **_Hey guys! I'm alive. And I blame this nonsense on far too much A-Team viewing. I love Dwight Schultz. I really and truly do._

* * *

><p>"That's really creepy." Sarah said for the fourth time during their fifteen minute drive. "It's like having a Stepford Husband."<p>

Sideswipe snickered. "You want the clown back?"

"Oh please, no." She shivered a little in the passenger's seat. "But could you make him move or something?"

"It's a holoform, Boss Lady." He reminded her. "It's just a projection."

"Yes, but why does it have to be of Will?"

Sideswipe couldn't resist the smart-ass answer as he activated his left-turn signal and waited for the intersection to clear. "Oh, yeah. That'd be good. Someone other than your husband driving you around in a smoking hot Corvette? I can hear the biddies at the quilting circle clucking now."

"Biddies at the quilting circle?" Sarah repeated derisively. "You've been watching too much _Little House on the Prairie._"

"Hound likes it." Sideswipe replied as he pulled to a stop at a red light. "He says it reminds him of a simpler time."

Sarah shook her head and let it ride. "Aren't people in this town just a wee touch busy with their own lives to notice who's driving me around?"

Sideswipe snorted. "Please. There's nothing to do in Westead _except _get all up in everyone else's business."

"I guess I can't argue with that." Sarah was quiet for a second before she snickered. "The lady in the next car is looking at us like we're crazy. She sees me talking and Will's not responding. She probably thinks I'm a nagger."

"You are." Sideswipe responded as the light turned green.

Sarah didn't take the bait, continuing to scrutinize the holoform of her mate. "He looks stoned."

"That's because I scanned the image while he was watching the Army/Navy game."

"Huh, thought I recognized the football stupor." Sarah sat back. "I still don't get why I couldn't sit in the driver's seat, like every other time we've made a grocery run."

Sideswipe turned into the mega-center parking lot. It was a mad-house of bad drivers, distracted pedestrians, unattended children, and wild-roaming shopping carts. He got the same feeling he always did when entering a war zone. "This way I can drop you off right at the front of the store, find a place to catnap, and pick you up when you're ready to go."

"Or you could have picked a spot and I could have walked, just like we do at Miller's Market."

"Geez, c'mon Gramps." Sideswipe grumbled at an elderly man trying to park an Oldsmobile roughly the size of a Class 4 Star Cruiser. He turned his attention back to Sarah. "I'd sooner let you walk through the Pits of Kaon than across this lot. Primus, if you get waffled, I'll never hear the end of it."

"Sides, what do you think I did before you landed on this planet?" There was a smile in her voice. "I can negotiate a parking lot."

"Not without backup." He snorted. "Look, I'm trying to be nice. Would you let me be nice?"

"All right, all right." Sarah relented. "But so what if I just stepped out and you drove off without a driver? It's not like you're a government secret anymore and the people in Westead have seen you before."

Sideswipe put on a lofty tone as he pulled up to the store. "Yes, but I don't want to attract hoards of adoring admirers. Can you imagine the riot that would ensue, right here in this very parking lot?"

"Oh, forgive me, Mr. Rockefeller." Sarah quipped back. "But if you really are looking to avoid the Paparazzi, maybe you should consider a less flashy disguise. How about Corolla instead of Corvette?"

"Get out. I don't ferry crazy humans around." Sideswipe said jokingly as he opened his passenger's side door for Sarah.

Picking up her purse, Sarah gave a sigh. "I hate these big chain stores."

"Well, you're gonna have to make do until Mr. Miller gets back from Bermuda." Sideswipe chuckled evilly. "Unless you want to eat that sludge in the mess hall."

"Ugh, perish the thought." Sarah stepped out. "Wish me luck in there."

"Want my blaster?"

"Hm. Tempting but no." Sarah leaned back in. "I'll give you a call when I'm done."

"Copy that, Boss Lady."

Sarah gently closed the door and gave it a gentle pat before heading towards the store entrance. Sideswipe waited for a woman and her gaggle of offspring to clear the crosswalk before pulling away from the curb. Expertly avoiding a guy texting, the cart collection man, and a dog (really, a DOG?), Sideswipe found himself a quiet little parking space at the back of the lot away from the noise and anything that could potentially scratch his flashy silver paint job.

_Feh, on Shopping Day, _he thought as he powered down the holoform of Will and shut off his engine. _I'm a warrior for Primus' sake! How'd I end up carting around a human woman on her domestic errands?_

It was the same song and dance he did with himself every week when he offered to take Sarah shopping. He did it for the sake of his own ego, just to remind himself that the task was beneath a deadly and dangerous frontliner. . . even if he liked doing it.

If anyone asked, he'd deny it. He'd proclaim it as a duty, like any other mundane, needed-to-be-done task that he executed on a regular basis. If anyone razzed him about his "Grocery Runs" he'd simply roll his optics and sigh, hamming up the 'Life of a Grunt' routine that he had down cold at this point.

But it really wasn't that bad. It was time away from the base and an opportunity to hang with Sarah. It was also a chance to power down in a warm parking lot for a while without someone yelling at him to get off his lazy aft. And any hits to his ego could easily be soothed when they returned to base. He'd just blow the hell out of something on the firing range or pick a fight with one or all of the Wreckers upon his return.

The spring sun was warming his plates nicely, lulling him into a relaxed state. The noise from the parking lot was a steady drone that was easily ignored. He settled in on his tires, his olfactory sensors taking in the comfortable scent of the asphalt beneath him. He muted all but a few external sensors, and let his processor wind down.

He was very near a light stasis when one of his proximity sensors pinged him. Another car had pulled up beside him. For a nanosecond, Sideswipe thought nothing of it. It was after all a parking lot.

Of course, then he remembered that he was in the middle of fragging nowhere where no self-respecting lazy human would dare to park. It hit him that the other car's engine was still running. His processor started to perk up as warning alarms went off. Quickly, he brought up every sensor he had, instinct telling him to gather as much information as he could about this vehicle.

It was a late model sedan and inside there were two human males. Though he had no baseline for either of them, he could tell their heart-rates were elevated. They seemed agitated and nervous. Excited even. Sideswipe's suspicions rose even more, but he sat quietly. _Whatcha up to there, fellas?_

The passenger's side door of the sedan opened and one of the men stepped out. Sideswipe resisted the urge to gag and dialed back his olfactory sensors. Cripes, did the man bathe in cheap human cologne? The man looked around quickly before sidling up to Sideswipe's driver's side door, pulling on the handle as if to see if it was unlocked.

Sideswipe managed to click it together right before the thin metal tool slipped between the glass and the window gasket. He just managed not to flinch.

Un-fraggin'-believable.

Right here? In broad daylight? This jackass was trying to _STEAL _him right here in the middle of the busiest parking lot Sideswipe had yet to experience. Pissed though he was, Sideswipe had to admire the audacity. The guy was either an extremely green amateur or an accomplished master. Either way, Sideswipe's door was giving him merry hell. Of course, the poor schlub had never tried to pick a Cybertronian door lock before.

_So much for a boring old Shopping Day. _The responsible thing to do here would have been to call the authorities and have them pick the guys up. Really, if he just turned this guy over to the cops he might learn his lesson. Then again, he might not. Sideswipe was pretty sure he could hammer home the point that crime didn't pay in a way that a little jail time never could. And, really, was he one to give serendipity the brush-off? How often did golden opportunities like this really present themselves?

With an audible and (at least to Sideswipe) an ominous click, Sideswipe deactivated his door locks.

The man turned to his partner still seated in the sedan, speaking through an open window. "I got it."

_Heh, not quite there, Chief, _Sideswipe thought as the man opened his door and slid in, _I think I've got you._

The thief's hands had just ghosted Sideswipe's steering column when he let out the most energon-curdling scream he could muster, "Stranger Danger!" At the same time, he hit his engine and slammed into gear, spinning his wheels and trailing smoke as he tore from the parking lot.

The man in his driver's seat was thrown back into the leather, but quickly regained his senses enough to begin screaming his lungs out. He had a death-grip on the steering wheel, desperately yanking on it to regain control of his situation. There was a little part of Sideswipe that felt bad for the man. But the larger, meaner part proclaimed that the dirty thief was getting everything he deserved.

It took a few minutes for the other man in the sedan to process what had just happened. When his brain caught up, he started to follow the Corvette. Sideswipe let him get just close enough so that he could scan the digits on the out-of-state license plate. To keep the panicked human in the driver's seat bouncing off his interior, Sideswipe let loose another scream of distress and screeched tires around the local burger joint.

Losing his tail would be no problem at all. That one he would leave to the humans. But the unfortunate soul in his compartment was in for the ride of his life. Sideswipe picked up on the cellular phone signal coming from the man's pocket and initiated a jamming frequency to disrupt the service. This dude was all on his own.

However, Sideswipe was going to require a little backup. And he had just the mech in mind who would simply be delighted to hear all about his afternoon.

Chuckling merrily to himself, he hailed the com frequency.

* * *

><p>Parked behind a rundown billboard along a lonely stretch of Highway 9, Prowl resigned himself to another long afternoon of waiting. It wasn't the first time. With any luck, it wouldn't be his last. It was what Enforcers did, after all.<p>

Officer Blake, seated behind the steering wheel, shifted ever so slightly to take advantage of the warm breath of spring air that rolled through the downed window. Other than that, she sat quietly, patiently. Waiting. Because she was a police officer and that's what she did.

After two days of sitting along the road, they had pretty much exhausted any and all conversation topics. Not that either of them were particularly chatty, anyway. When each realized the other was making the effort for the sake of their partner, they had given up. Immediately, the whole operation became that much more comfortable.

The County Sheriffs' department had asked for Prowl's assistance with a problem. Highway 9 was seldom used, except by truckers and humans simply passing through. It was a sound road, but the traffic volume was light on most days, especially in the later morning and early afternoons. That made it a prime location for some of the local teens to race modified dirt bikes along the straight stretch of asphalt.

According to Blake, there had been a handful of near misses. The kids had apparently begun to indulge in a game called 'Chicken', wherein they drove straight at the oncoming semis to see who would veer from in front of them first. Trucks had been run off of the road in the course of this dangerous pastime.

The problem was, not a vehicle in the sheriff's fleet was equipped to chase down the bikes. Even on the asphalt, the cruisers were easily outstripped. If one of the officers even got close, the parties involved simply maneuvered their all-terrain vehicles across the desert, leaving the police cars stranded on the blacktop.

It was becoming a point of honor for a few of the teens who bragged constantly that they had outrun the cops. Their confidence had soared, leaving them unafraid to tear down the highway at breakneck speeds in the middle of the day. With local schools on 'Spring Break', as it was called, there was ample time for someone to get hurt.

So, the sheriffs turned to their new-found extraterrestrial friends for help. With Optimus's permission, Prowl had agreed to assist Officer Blake in apprehending these younglings. There wasn't an internal combustion built that could outpace a Cybertronian, and a determined one at that. Prowl was very much looking forward to demonstrating that to these human children who seemed to have no regard for the safety of others.

For the time being, though, the younglings seemed to have found other ways to pass their time. This was Blake and Prowl's third day of monitoring Highway 9, and they had yet to make an arrest.

Prowl was just finishing a routine sensor sweep when his com pinged. He sighed deeply when he identified the source. "This is Prowl. Go ahead, Sideswipe."

As soon as the other mech spoke, Prowl felt his battle computer hum quietly to life. Something in Sideswipe's tone put him on the alert. He sounded entirely too happy.

_"Hey Prowl! You hanging with the County Mounties today?"_

To be polite, Prowl had allowed the com to sound through his compartment. Blake was becoming a close colleague and Prowl held no reservations about making her privy to the communiques. She shifted slightly, probably to glare at the radio. "Hi, Sideswipe."

_"Howdy, Sheriff_." The mech drawled in a bad imitation of a human western.

Prowl cut him off before he could get his pede in the door. "What do you want, Sideswipe? Some of us are trying to be productive."

_"Do me a favor. Holler up Hound and ask him to pick Sarah up at the grocery store, would ya?"_

Oh, good. It was going to be one of those conversations with Sideswipe. The kind that ran around the point ten times before the bot made it. Over the com, Prowl was powerless to stop it. Had Sideswipe attempted this in person, Prowl would have been sorely tempted to just beat the point out of him.

"Why don't you 'holler him up'?" Prowl replied, ordering his annoyance in check. "Or, perhaps the better question, why don't you pick her up?"

_"I'm a little busy."_

Now concern blossomed through Prowl's circuits. Sideswipe had the capacity to be the most annoying life form in the universe. However, when it came to duty, he was without fault. One duty that Sideswipe held above all others was his commitment to the Lennox family. For him to leave Sarah at the grocery store meant that something significant had happened. "Are you all right? Where are you?"

_"You aren't gonna believe this."_ Sideswipe laughed a little. "_I got boosted from the store parking lot!"_

Blake was quicker on the draw and sat bolt upright. "What?"

_" 'mon, Sheriff, ya know what that means."_ Sideswipe replied. _"Lifted, heisted, jacked-"_

Prowl cut across him. "You let yourself get stolen?"

_"No."_ Sideswipe replied in a tone that clearly meant 'Yes of course, stupid'. _"I did what I was supposed to: I yelled for help and ran away."_ Prowl could hear the smirk over the com_. "But in my unreasonable blind panic, I accidentally locked my doors and trapped the dink inside."_

Prowl registered a sigh and Blake rubbing at her forehead as she spoke. "So you're riding around town with a criminal in your interior."

_"Yup."_ Sideswipe said proudly. _"He's screaming like a little girl. Wanna hear?"_

Before Prowl or Blake could say 'no', Sideswipe patched them in to the com in his compartment. Blake flinched as the high pitched pleading of a near-hysterical man pledging to join the clergy if he were allowed to live, filled Prowl's interior.

"Sideswipe!" It took only a slight raise in volume from Prowl to get the mech to cut the connection. _"Where are you?"_

"Oh don't worry. I'll find you." Sideswipe assured him_. "In the meantime, I left this guy's buddy driving in circles over on Clifford Avenue. Maybe Blake can send some of her deputies out to round 'im up."_

Prowl processed the transmission. "We'll take care of it. And Sideswipe?"

_"Yeah?"_

"Please, show some restraint."

_"No problem. See you in five minutes. Don't forget Sarah. Sideswipe out."_

Prowl relayed the license plate numbers to Blake who immediately contacted the county dispatcher. After ending the transmission, she turned back to Prowl. "Are we going after him?"

"If you wish, we can." Prowl replied calmly, once again sending his sensors wide. "But it really would be burning good energon for naught. The best tactic for dealing with Sideswipe is to let him run himself out."

"He better not be tearing through my town like a hoodlum." Blake grumbled.

"He isn't." Prowl assured her. "I asked Ratchet to feed me Sideswipe's coordinates when I contacted the base to speak with Hound. He is currently sitting in the alleys behind the homes on Main Street."

"Why?"

"I refuse to spare processor space trying to reason out why Sideswipe does anything that he does."

"Technically, he's kidnapped a human." Blake pointed out. "I could arrest him."

"I believe this falls under the heading of 'self-defense'." Prowl countered the argument, knowing Blake was simply playing the Devil's Advocate. "Sideswipe will not hurt the human."

The officer was silent for a moment before she gave a short, breathy laugh. "Trying to steal Sideswipe. Couldn't ask for worse luck as a car thief, though, could you?"

Prowl settled down to wait some more. "Indeed."

* * *

><p>Dark, dirty, smelly, cramped back alleys really were great for scenes like this. No wonder humans utilized them so often in their TV cop dramas. Not that the alleys in Westead were that dark. Or dirty. Or smelly. Or cramped. All right so he was sitting on fraggin' Sunnybrook Lane. Whatever. He could use his imagination.<p>

The human in his interior had formulated a new strategy, it seemed. After trying his cell and finding it non-functional, he had become very quiet. He was sitting very still. Not touching anything but his butt to the seat. Frack, he seemed to be barely breathing. Well, no matter what, Sideswipe was still aware that the thief was there. And he was going to stay right where he was until Sideswipe was done with him.

Setting his vocalizer to its lowest register still within human hearing range, Sideswipe allowed his voice to boom through his cabin. "What do you want with me?"

The man jumped and screamed a little, but still seemed unable to answer.

"Sell me?"

The man panted. "Uh-"

"Cut me up for parts?"

"Uh-"

He let his tone take on a darker edge. "Are you with the government?"

"No!"

"Are. You. Sure?" Sideswipe punctuated every word. "Cause I HATE the government."

"No, no, no!" the man was near-hysteria again.

"I escaped from the government." Sideswipe hissed. "They did things to me, man. Screwed around in my head, man. All kinds of experiments . . . man."

"No, I'm not with the government!" The man was almost crying.

"Used me like a turbo-rat in a lab."

"I'm not. I swear. Please!"

"Ain't been right since." Sideswipe was impressing himself with his Dirty Harry imitation. "Swore if I ever saw one of those government types again, I'd waste him."

"I'm not. I swear." The man pleaded. "I'm just a car thief."

"You sure?"

"Yes." The man panted, "Look. I'm sorry. Just let me go, okay?"

"Can't." Sideswipe replied. "You'll tell the government where I am."

"Ah, man." The thief scrubbed his face. "I promise. I won't say nothing."

"Anything."

"What?"

"You won't say anything." Sideswipe had to bite down a laugh at the man's clear confusion before continuing in his sinister voice. "I'm a stickler for grammar."

"Okay." The man swallowed hard. "Okay. I won't say anything."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Cross your heart?"

"What?"

"It's not a real promise," Sideswipe whispered hoarsely, "if you don't cross your heart."

Sideswipe nearly lost it when the man recited shakily, using his forefinger to make an 'X' over his chest. "Cross my heart and hope to die."

"Okay." Sideswipe rasped. "Since you crossed your heart."

"You-you gonna let me out now?"

"I'll give you," Sideswipe paused for effect, "a ride to the bus stop."

"No, that's okay." The man was becoming agitated again. He tried the door handle. "I can walk."

Sideswipe turned over his engine and pulled off. "No trouble."

The man's fingernails were digging into Sideswipe's seat as he turned back on to the main street and headed south. He was still shaking hard, but the prospect of being released seemed to have calmed him enough to speak. "You're one of those Autobots, aren't you?"

"Was." Sideswipe replied. "But they cut me loose when I shot a man in Reno . . . just to watch him die."

The man's confusion was palpable and Sideswipe had to wonder if he had overplayed his hand. Oh well, he wasn't going to give his new friend time to think it over, anyway. "I'm on my own. A lone Cyber Wolf. Roaming from town to town. . . . kinda like you."

Sensing that events were about to shift in an unfavorable direction the man tried to distract Sideswipe. "Oh, look. The bus stop. Right there."

"It's lonely, on the run." Sideswipe eased past the bus stop, slowing down as the man pressed himself against the glass, apparently hoping to be teleported to the other side of it. "Always hoped I could find a kindred spirit, if you will."

The man was yanking on the door handle. "Good luck with that. This is my stop."

"No," Sideswipe said darkly as he sped up to just over the speed limit, "you and me, man. You and me. We're partners now. I can help you. I can lure unsuspecting Lincolns and Beamers from the confines of their nice, safe garages. Cars trust other cars."

"You're not a car!" The man yelled. "You're an alien robot."

"The cars won't know that." Sideswipe replied sinisterly. "Until it's too late."

"Cars are cars! They can't be 'lured'." The guy grabbed at his own hair. "I can't believe this is happening! Damn it! You're crazy!"

"I know." Sideswipe had reached the edge of town and the turn-off for Highway 9. "Too much heat in this little burg. We gotta get out of town."

"Please." The man pleaded. "Just turn me over to the cops or something."

Sideswipe ignored him, opening a private comm line to Prowl again. _"I'm gonna be coming in hot. All clear down there?"_

Prowl's tone was one of forced patience. _"What are you doing?"_

_"Plausible deniability, my friend." _ Sideswipe responded. _"Any native activity?"_

_"No, but-"_

_"See you in a few seconds." _Sideswipe cut off the com and tore out, tires squealing as he rocketed down the highway. The human in his driver's seat was screaming again.

* * *

><p>"Here he comes." Prowl informed Blake as Sideswipe registered in his sensors. "Over the posted speed limit, I might add."<p>

The Enforcer turned over his own engine, allowing his systems to warm up as Blake reached for her seat belt. He gave an exvent. "Shall we put an end to this nonsense?"

"Let's." she replied.

Sideswipe flashed by, going about eighty miles an hour, which was significantly slower than Prowl had expected. Almost lazily, Prowl pulled out behind him at a much more sedate pace.

Blake's tone was confused. "Aren't we going to run him down?"

"I suppose that's the climax of this grandiose scheme." Prowl replied dryly as he gently accelerated. "But we can't assume anything, can we?"

As expected, Sideswipe commed him. _"What the frig, Prowl? I know you can do better than that!"_

"Better than what?" Prowl snarked back. "I can't read your processor. Are Blake and I supposed to run you into the ground?"

_"You're supposed to try!" _ Sideswipe yelled back. _"Would you get with the program, please?"_

"Could you inform me of the program, please?"

_"Get your aft up here and give me a little nudge."_

"Excellent strategy." Prowl replied sarcastically before cutting the comm and speaking to Blake. "Brace yourself.

With that, he activated the emergency lights mounted on his roof and shot forward, closing the distance between his grill and Sideswipe's taillights.

* * *

><p>"<em>Primus, friggit!"<em> Sideswipe yelled over the comm. _"I said a little nudge, you slagger."_

_" 'Little nudge' is a relative term." _ Prowl shot back. _"May I suggest next time you tell me precisely how much force per square inch you would like applied to your quarter panel?"_

Sideswipe snickered. Getting Prowl agitated was so a bonus. _"I sense that you're less than impressed with my strategy."_

_"I can give you my full assessment of its shortcomings later. For now, can we simply finish this up?"_

_"All right. The dude's bouncing off my walls pretty good. Do it again."_

Prowl didn't respond verbally. Instead, he accelerated and slammed into Sideswipe's bumper harder than the first time, jarring him and causing his rear end to skid. Sideswipe silently cursed the Enforcer but used the opportunity to run off of the road and into the sand. He turned his attention to the screaming, crying human in his compartment. "Don't worry. They won't take us alive."

"Oh, man. Please." The man sobbed. "Please, just stop."

"No can do." Sideswipe replied in dark sullenness as he skidded around to a stop. Prowl had halted at the edge of the blacktop and was now just waiting in a completely non-aggressive manner, his emergency lights spinning lazily. Why couldn't the fragger just play along? Oh well. "There's only one way out."

"What does that mean?"

"You ever see _Thelma and Louise?_"

The man began to scream again as Sideswipe gunned up for his big finish. As luck would have it, Prowl's post with the humans was along a section of Highway 9 that paralleled a ravine with a thirty-foot drop. It had been a part of Sideswipe's plan since the man laid a greasy digit on his door handle.

Spinning around, Sideswipe announced dramatically. "It's been nice knowing you, buddy."

He screamed towards the cliff, engine roaring. The thief's voice cracked to a higher octave as he yanked on the wheel and pounded the brake pedal with his foot. Sideswipe ignored him as he yelled, "The last ride is the greatest ride! Yeehaw!"

And with that, he slammed on his brakes, skidding to a stop a respectable distance from the cliff's edge. The thief jarred against the steering wheel and then sat shocked in the seat, shaking hard.

Sideswipe laughed and adopted his normal tone as he said. "Gotcha."

Sideswipe's chuckling stopped abruptly when he noted an unusual peristaltic rhythm originating from the man's gut. "Oh no. No!"

Before Sideswipe could react, the man vomited all over his interior.

* * *

><p>"You smell funny, Sideswipe." Bluestreak declared. The youngling dangled his legs from the medical berth he was seated on, watching Ratchet knock the dents out of Prowl's bumper.<p>

"Thanks for the assessment, kiddo." Sideswipe replied blandly.

Prowl winced slightly as Ratchet wielded the hammer a little more forcefully than was truly necessary. The medic had been less than pleased when he had been informed of Prowl and Sideswipe's afternoon activities. "At least it's simply disinfectant. The smell of human tank purge was infinitely worse."

"And you." Sideswipe narrowed his optics to glare at Prowl. "You made me drive all the way back to Westead with that slag dripping into my seats."

"I had nothing to do with it." Prowl replied. "That was Blake's decision. At least she had the CSI techs remove it and clean your interior."

"I'd say that was the least she could do." Sideswipe replied. "After all, I helped bring down a major crime ring."

As if on cue, the door to the main hangar opened and Blake stepped through. Behind her was Will Lennox. The look on his face could have cracked concrete.

Blake allowed him to lead, following the Colonel as he ascended the catwalk, his boots ringing heavily on the metal steps. He moved to the platform closest to all of the bots and stood, crossing his arms and glaring at Sideswipe.

The silver frontliner had tracked the human with his optics. When Will stopped, Sideswipe's head was already ducked as he turned to face the human. "Hey Boss. You're looking heartily peeved."

Will raised his hand, multiple slips of paper in it. "Do you know what this is?"

"My commendations for bravery above and beyond the call of duty?" Sideswipe replied with a hopeful smile.

"No." Will was not amused. "These are the traffic violations you accrued during your little jaunt this afternoon. And a bill for cleaning and sanitizing your interior. All told, it comes to about $500."

Sideswipe gave Blake a mock-indignant look. "After all I did for you."

"I took into account that you played a significant role in both arrests when I wrote those citations." Blake responded, placing a hand on her hip. "In reality, I had enough to throw you in the lockup for at least thirty days."

"The lockup?" Sideswipe repeated with a snort. "You don't have a Cybertronian lockup."

"No, but we've got an impound yard." Blake came back. "And I have been known to improvise."

"I'm not paying this, Sideswipe." Will shook the citations at the bot. "And the government isn't either."

"You have thirty days to pay up." Blake announced. "After that, I'm hauling you off."

"Where am I going to get human money?"

Prowl half-smirked as Ratchet gave his enamel a final swipe. "There's a taxi service in town that's offering employment."

Sideswipe scowled at him before turning back to Will. "May I just point out that Prowl was bad, too?"

"Excuse me." Prowl slowly cocked an eyebrow. "But thanks to you, I can claim plausible deniability."

"That's right." Blake smiled. "I witnessed that one."

"These are consequences for your actions, Sideswipe. Pay the fine or do the time." Will leaned in more closely, narrowing his eyes dangerously. Sideswipe's back struts tensed, holding him ramrod straight. "But either way, until further notice, when I yell, you better come running. You are on my Shit List, my friend"

It was rare that Sideswipe looked afraid, but he truly and genuinely did. "For how long?"

"Until I'm not mad anymore." Will ground out, just getting warmed up. "And let me tell you something else; I catch one complaint out of you about ANY of the fun little tasks I'm about to assign for you and I'll have Officer Blake lock you up in that impound lot until you rot. You understanding me, Sideswipe?"

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left Sarah at the grocery store while I went off to torment a car thief." Sideswipe looked like a scolded youngling. He seemed to shrink in on himself as another thought occurred to him. "You know, I'd understand if you wanted someone else to help Sarah run errands in the future. Maybe Hound."

Lennox jolted a bit, surprised. He seemed to thaw, but only marginally. "As angry as I am with you right now, that thought never entered my mind. You screwed up. Royally. And you will pay. But, I'm not asking you to stop watching out for my family."

Sideswipe checked an exvent. "Thanks . . . sir."

"And just so you know, Sarah thinks the whole thing is hilarious."

"Does she?" Sideswipe's optics brightened.

"Yes." Lennox hardened again. "But I don't."

"Of course not, sir." Sideswipe immediately demurred. He was as sincere as Prowl had ever heard him when he spoke again. "I'll make this up to you, Will. Scout's honor."

"I know you will." With that, Will stood straight and walked back down the stairs with Blake in tow. He opened the door for her, but paused before following her through. "0500. Septic tanks. Be there."

And with that, the colonel was gone.

Sideswipe gave a faint exvent. The corners of Prowl's mouth quirked. "Was that a complaint I just heard?"

"Don't even go there, mech. I'll pound you where you stand." Prowl gave him a look that clearly invited him to try. Sideswipe growled. "I'm starting to understand why Batman has a secret identity."

"I don't think that's a viable option for you." Prowl leaned against a wall near Bluestreak. "A cape and cowl can do but so much."

"Yeah, but-hey!" Sideswipe immediately perked up. "You just understood an Earth pop culture reference. And you responded with a mediocre Earth pop culture joke!"

"This environment is fairly saturated with Earth pop culture. I can't help but absorb some of it." Prowl nudged the youngling and said to Sideswipe. "Better watch your aft."

"Wha- Oww!" His pain sensors registered as the sound of metal on metal resounded through the hangar. He spun around to find Ratchet standing behind him. "Damn, mech. Did you just kick me?"

"Yes." Ratchet growled back.

"Are you using your pede to get the dents out?"

Ratchet gave him a significant look. "No. I've just been waiting to put my foot up your aft all afternoon."

"Let this be a lesson, Bluestreak." Prowl leaned in closer to his charge as the angry medic closed in on Sideswipe. "Actions have consequences."

"Understood, Prowl." The youngling grinned as he turned his attention back to the show.


End file.
